Giving Permission To Ask

My 20-month old daughter and I were hanging out yesterday evening after I got home from work. I asked her if I could have a hug and get some love.

She told me no. And she went on about her business.

I caught myself asking her (playfully), “Why not?”
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Advice only matters if you know what you want

Are you a dreamer? Do you spend many cycles searching for advice to help you get what you want? Or validating that what you want is something you should want? Or maybe you should want something else?

Receiving advice can be wonderfully helpful or an exercise in futility, frustration, or worse.

Off the top of my head, here are some categories of advice:
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Morning is the worst time to read this…

I consider myself to be a creative person. Also, easily unfocused from productive outcomes. I’ve noticed that mornings are an incredibly important part of a creative day. Regardless of intention when I start the day, the outcome is highly variable.

I’ve noticed that mornings are an incredibly important part of a creative day. Regardless of intention when I start the day, the outcome is highly variable.

So, on days I *do* create, what is it that’s different?
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Being Seen

Perfect.

Finding Center

As children we find ways to protect ourselves from our vulnerability, from being hurt, diminished, and disappointed.  We put on armor; we used our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors as weapons; and we learned how to make ourselves scarce, even to disappear. Now as adults we realize that to live with courage, purpose, and connection –  we must again be vulnerable. We must take off the armor, put down the weapons, show up, and let ourselves be seen. 

More from Brené Brown. So much of my work with teenagers and adults is around identifying the armor taken up in childhood and figuring out how to put it back down.

What armor do you carry? How did it once serve you? Can you, in full gratitude for the protection it offered your young self, release it and step forward lighter, more resilient, and aware of how lovable you are?

I see you…

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How uncertain is YOUR life?

Many of us fear more than we need to, in a variety of circumstances. We shortcut uncertainty by substituting it with certainty of a negative result. I do it too!

By doing this, we effectively create a bottleneck in the meaningfulness of our lives. We only let a little meaning in at a time. And so we are constantly under stimulated, bored and disconnected from life.

I have learned, from experimenting with the uncertain, that while some of it leads to pain and disappointment, much of it is interesting, fun or otherwise more meaningful than turning it away.

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The happiness container

There’s a saying: You are what you eat.

It’s pretty simple on the face of it. If I eat veggies, I’ll take on the properties of veggies. If I eat meat, I’ll take on more of the properties of meat. Energy. Protein. Fats. Etc. If I eat nothing but sugar and fatty foods, I’ll become fatty.

Sometimes I’m good at being mindful about what I eat. Other times, habits kick in and if I’m distracted emotionally by something else, I’m not going to concern myself with what I’m putting in.

But what about other types of consumption?
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Poverty and Judgment: Sharing Washington Post article

Deep questions at the end of a great analysis on poverty and US policies.

“Why do we begrudge people struggling to get by the occasional indulgence? Why do we so little value pleasure and joy? Why do we insist that if you are poor, you should also be miserable? Why do we require penitence?”–Stephen Pimpare

Washington Post: Laziness isn’t why people are poor. And iPhones aren’t why they lack health care.